You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
