from now on my penis is your penis
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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