So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
