I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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