Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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