ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
