my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
