I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I currently don't understand fingers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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