Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
