youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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