you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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