I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
