Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The best revenge is premature balding
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
