Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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