happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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