did you get engaged???
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
