Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
