What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
