So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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