Buhtt sex?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
