If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My penis needs a shock collar
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
