That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
