We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
