At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
