i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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