WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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