like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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