P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
