somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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