he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
