I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
