You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
