when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She bit a glass in half.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
