Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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