i love accidental penises.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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