you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
