Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
