no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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