So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
