i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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