Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
