There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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