chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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