he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is Oprah even human
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
