I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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