Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
