you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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