We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
