so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
