she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
