Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
