please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
