Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize