Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
