i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
