My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
