Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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