Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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