ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
