I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
