No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Come see our sink grown plant.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
try to milk me bitch
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
