My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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