They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
