My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
