i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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