No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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