Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
